Self-reflections in the grieving proces!

A major portion of our society’s attitudes and expectations indicate that holding onto a loved one after they have died is a sign of weakness. A part of me would have also bought into this belief had I not taken the time to self-reflect the loss of my parents. Dad passed away in September 2013 and left some kind of a void in my life. I sensed the void but because of the phase of life I was in I was too busy to pause and reflect.

However, one thing is for sure this loss had made me develop a more “conscious” mindset. I started to seek for more in life, beyond my responsibilities as a working woman, mother, and wife. Meditation was one of the first things that I was pulled towards. I found various local groups and would go for weekly group meditations. In the silence of meditation practices, thoughts about finding the purpose of life became stronger. At this point, I was receptive to various kinds of volunteering opportunities that came my way; however, the “extra” work I took upon beyond my demanding career was sometimes questionable as I was becoming more passionate to continue serving my community. Reflecting on all of these opportunities, I realized I had evolved greatly and had found a sense of fulfillment and contentment.

After losing my mom in September 2021, I found myself going back in time and remembering Dad a lot. For some reason, I was now keen on doing some deeper self-reflection. I invested time to acknowledge ALL the feelings that were coming through. What made this time even more difficult was the fact that my husband of 30 years was also grieving the loss of his dad and our grief started to look so different. Unfortunately, grief drifted us apart in our day-to-day lives and it was a much more painful phase of our lives. It would have been an ideal situation if both my husband and I could have seen a therapist together, but the thought of seeking help was rejected by my husband. I was deeply hurt and felt helpless that we were so drifted in our grief journey. I knew that this was something I could not handle alone.

To bounce back to better days, I had to choose to prioritize my health first. I worked with a professional therapist and started relying on different resources to learn more about grief. One thing that initially helped me a lot was learning that everyone grieves differently and there is no right or wrong in grief. Over time, I have become more accepting of our different grief journeys and healing pathways.  This is a continued journey that is teaching us deeper meanings of relationships.

Today, as I put these thoughts on paper, it is Father’s Day and in remembrance of my dad, I am sharing his favorite quote for all of us to ponder upon!

“Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...It's about learning to dance in the rain.” – By Vivian Green